Words from this mothers heart onto her blog brought me to tears and prayer. Here are pieces of it that touched me tremendously and also made me not feel alone. She put words down that I could never articulate but it's exactly how I feel.
What she doesn't know is that I live for her laugh, her smile. The tinkle of her happy voice in my ears is enough to bring blue skies to a cloudy day. When the corners of her mouth turn up with joy, my heart skitters into a thousand butterflies fluttering though a green meadow. I want to take away anything that makes her sad. I never want her to know pain, if it takes away that smile.
What she doesn't know is that I hate myself for the ways I fail her. The impatient clucking, the loud snap of my voice, the wrong choice of cleaning my kitchen when I could have been reading her a book. I pray she will not lack anything because of my faults and insecurities. And I hope one day she will see all the ways I worked on myself just to be better for her.
What she doesn't know, what she couldn't possibly know, is how deep my love runs for her. It courses through my veins. There is nothing I would not do, no thing I would not give up, for her. I know now, in a way I could not have known before I knew her, that love like this cannot dry up like a dusty river bed. It can only grow stronger, a raging river, with an endless source. It would be impossible to not love her.
I know she will grow up. And she will be beautiful and confidant and wonderful. And I will miss her littleness
You can read the entire post here:
http://www.moderndaydonnareed.com/2011/06/what-she-doesnt-know.html?m=1
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